Gautama 'Buddha' Siddhārtha, M.Phil. (Nāl.)

Nālandā is being rebuilt, which is good news.

The bad news is that:

- one can write in a [semi-]prestigious newspaper that the Buddha was a visitor here (visiting research fellow?) and an alumnus (I gave him an M.Phil. by default);

- that there does not seem to be too much money for this;

- that the revival project is trying to get past bureaucrats; 

- not to speak of the fact that "Chinese sensibilities will have to be respected" (whereas one usually does not? or is it the case that one does not respect other nations' sensibilities?) or else " the university will be a non-starter";

- that the Bihari government promises to provide security;

- that the as yet non-existent university already revives the Bengal-Bihar/Mithila thing;

- that Amartya Sen seems to think that Nālandā taught economics and public health;

zhes bya ba la sogs

Angry archaeologist

I must apologize in advance, some of you may find this post a bit vulgar. Nevertheless, I'm sure that many more will actually enjoy this fine piece of Hungarian cultural history.

It so happenned that during the hot summer of 1903 in an obscure corner of the Austro-Hungarian Empire some good people found a spur. Since in the legendary bureaucracy of the aforementioned empire nothing went undocumented, the find (who knows, it could have been the spur of king Attila!) was referred to the local archaelogical authorities. They were puzzled. Shunning responsability in good bureaucratical fashion the matter was forwarded to the capital. Dr Réthy (pictured on the right), eminent linguist (i.a. learned Sanskrit in Vienna!) etc., in charge at that time, gave them this kind answer:

506/1903.
Tekintetes kultúrmérnöki hivatal
Pécsett.

Tegnapi póstával érkezett 1090/1903 sz. hivatalos okiratukra,
melyben azt kérdik, hogy a Nagy-Berki község
határában lelt régi sarkantyúval mi történjék?
hivatalos tisztelettel azt válaszolom, hogy
basszák meg az urak a sarkanytyújukat, mert
35 Reaumur höségben ilyen szarságokkal
nem foglalkozhatunk.

Budapest 1903 aug 18.
Teljes tisztelettel
lófasz a seggükbe
Dr. Réthy László

m. n. muz. érem és régiségosztályi
igazg.-helyettes.

A XIV. ker. m. kir. Kulturmérnöki hivatalnak
Pécsett.


506/1903.
[To] the honourable department of cultural engineering
[In] the city of Pécs

With reference to the official document no. 1090/1903 which I received in today's mail and in which you enquire about what is to be done with the old spur found in the outskirts of Nagy-Berek, I answer with due official respect that the good gentlemen should f**k their spur, since in this heat of 35 Reaumur [= 43.75 Celsius = 110.75 Fahrenheit!] we cannot be bothered with such s**t.

Budapest 1903 August 18.
With the utmost respect,
[and wishing] a horse's c**k up your a*s
Dr. László Réthy
vice-princ[ipal]
Department of Coins and Antiquities, H[ungarian] N[ational] Mus[eum]

[To] the department of cultural engineering of the King[dom] of H[ungary], district XIV
[In] the city of Pécs

If you have ever tried working your way through Hungarian official documents the question you must be asking is: gosh, whatever went wrong?

In the window of a sweet shop

The rather pompous National Mission for Manuscripts is like a sweet shop which will never open, but will distribute leaflets about how great their candies and pastries are. Furthermore, they will have a small sample in the window you can drool at. Then the only thing you can do is walk away in frustration after seeing the perennial 'opening soon' sign. The owner will never pick up the phone and if he does he will be full of promises. In fact, he will pretend that the store is open, and you're some kind of idiot for failing to notice this fact.


I don't know if anyone had noticed this before (if so, I sincerely apologize), but this particular piece here is a sample of that huge and rather delicious cake which is the Mañjuśriyamūlakalpa. A gut feeling tells me that this is none other but the Trivandrum manuscript, or at least the right half of three of its folios (the first corresponds to a portion in chapter 36). I sincerely hope that the thing is still joined with its left half which was perhaps left out here for effect. The sad truth is, however, that in Cochin I saw astrological manuscripts sawn in half (or third) so that tourist sahab looking for nice coffee table item could carry it out easier, and for the antique dealer to make double/triple profit.

Red tape chokes Hungarian Oriental Studies

Hungarians are a funny sort. Whereas most normal languages express things with particles, agglutination is a national sport. We have our surnames in front. When the post-communist world was trying to pick up the pieces amidst chaos, Hungary was the wonderchild of Eastern Europe. When the neo-European countries were booming, we suddenly discovered that the economy is about to collapse. Then we have an unusual knack for screwing up things that work and pumping money into things that don't and never will, to wit, soccer.

So it was high time for the glorious red tape to choke some of the good things still left in the country. This year the all-powerful Hungarian Accreditation Committee decided that studies concerning about half of the planet is totally useless beyond a BA. Kind of ironic for a nation of less than ten million. Thus, beginning from next year the following disciplines will not offer MA courses at ELTE University: Indian Studies, Chinese Studies, Mongolian Studies, Korean Studies, and Japanese Studies (Tibetan was successfully wiped out earlier).

Well, fine and dandy, a small country can't afford such 'luxuries'. Never you mind that Tibetan studies should be on the list of national treasures since it was sort of invented by a Hungarian. To hell with India and China which happen to be on the way to becoming superpowers of this century. Japan is going down anyway. Mongolian? Oh well, 50 years of spearheading research should not bother us.

Surprise, surprise, however: Turkic studies, Arabic studies, Hebrew studies, Assirian studies, Iranian studies, and Altaic studies (in Szeged) passed. I'm not saying that they don't deserve it, they are just as valuable as all the above if not more. Surely, it's only a fortunate coincidence.

I think that members of the accreditation committe deserve our thanks and appreciation for taking this burden off the country's shoulders. I'm sure that the process was long and exhausting, hence I would be glad to pay them a long vacation to discover some of the more obscure parts of Xinjiang Uighur. One way tickets will suffice.

Insured against God?

It's a psychological condition I guess. I have to read everything that comes into my field of vision, especially if it's a boring bus trip back from London. This time it was the 'AppleCare Protection Plan' (75% discount if you are a student). Get a life you might say, but it actually paid off since encapsulated in the legal mumbo-jumbo which at times sounds like the Pañcarakṣā mantras there are some hidden gems.

If you live in the Netherlands, then: "Apple is in particular not responsible for the plan being apt for your purposes." So, if it's good for me, it's not their problem.

If you live in Italy: "Without prejudice to any other applicable legislation, Articles 1519bis - 1519-nonies [sic] of the Italian Civil Code apply to this Plan, [...]"

In Belgium, France and other Catholic countries you are entitled to 'repent' according to the Trade Practices and Consumer Protection Act of 14 July 1991. The end is truly nigh.

But this one takes the cake: "The Plan does not cover: [...] (ii) Damage to the Covered Equipment caused by accident, abuse, neglect, misuse [...], unauthorized modification, extreme environment [...], extreme physical and or electrical stress or interference, fluctuation or surges of electrical power, lightning, static electricity, fire, acts of God or other external causes;"

Hence I've decided to introduce the following scheme: should you feel uncomfortable about your computer not being insured against the whims of the Almighty, drop me a cheque of say 20 quid per annum and I guarantee I will replace your equipment, whatever it was, however much it cost, provided that you bring irrefutable evidence. After all, getting a Nobel for a lousy 17" MacBook Pro is not a bad deal. And if it's good for you, it's not my problem.

Dhūmrapān niṣedh

[The 'smoking temple' in Pilgrims, Thamel]

India has finally banned that most disgusting and filthy habit: smoking in public spaces. Pan-chewing and its attractive trails of red spit actually add some colour to the streets (it's also good for your teeth)- but those cigarette butts littered all over are a nasty sight, especially that there are rubbish bins every fifty feet or so all over the country. Indians will awake tomorrow to the natural scents of rose-water and sandalwood emanating from the countryside into the cities, cigarette smoke shall pollute the public sphere no more. Citizens of Delhi and other cities will now be able to walk briskly to work in the refreshing morning air, taking large puffs of rich oxygen. The number one menace to your lungs removed, large sums of the National Health Service will be rerouted to other sectors badly in need of funds: government jeeps and nuclear warheads. Cigarette vendors can finally pack up and/or close shop and go home and look after their stocks and other investments. Those number one selling face masks can now be dropped off at your local Red Cross/Crescent agency to be exported to such still obstinate and backward places as Austria (not to mention Hungary and Romania). We salute the Government for this highly original and no doubt popular move. India is now truly on her way to becoming a glorious Westernized nation.